White noise is a random signal (or process) with a flat power spectral density. In other words, the signal's power spectral density has equal power in any band, at any center frequency, having a given bandwidth. White noise is considered analogous to white light which contains all frequencies.

Who am I?

Neo-hippie cinephile. Follower of the great Jim Morrison who once said "If the doors of perception are cleansed, everything would appear to man as it truly is, infinite."

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

V for Vendetta

Its that time of the year again when all single people around the world use humor as a defense mechanism and appear uber-nonchalant licensed by their bachelorhood. So, let me tell you about the most eventful V-day I have ever had, next to going for a Desi Buffet with 15 other Indian males on February 14, 2004 of course. Oh, almost forgot. Ad Libber wants the single people who aren't depressed and binging on chocolate-strawberry ice cream and reality television at home - the ones that venture out, to wear black on the 14th in memory of Mr. Wodehouse. I shall comply since I can't tolerate reality television for more than four hours.

I was in first year of college. She was in the third year. As you all know, I am a super deep person and so, the detailed reasons for seeking an older woman at that point of time in my life are too complicated for even me to grasp completely, let alone the average reader of this blog. However, a simplistic Freudian explanation would be the surfacing of the Oedipus Complex as a result of being away from home for the first time in 18 years that made me reach for a more mature caress than the girls in my class could provide. Anyway, I had been seeking Her, staving off competition from men, some mustached, some not but all of them elder to me. One of my closest (read only) friends at the time was this super nerd, someone who actually made me look like an illiterate male model. Let's call him Sam. So, Sam found this e-card somewhere on the World Wide Web (or maybe his imaginary online girlfriend sent it to him). It was supposed to make women's hearts and knees go cookie doe since it had this obese little champ in pink diapers holding some sort of equally obese, bloody red obscene orb that looked like Hidimbi's heart with some sonnet that would have made Shakespeare blush. Incidentally, these have now evolved to become the display pictures of anti-feminists on Orkut. I thought it was decidedly Gothic, but apparently women couldn't seem to see beyond the pink diapers.

Not having the time to train the messenger pigeons, unlike Bhagyashree, I emailed it to Her, thus playing hard to get and not actually meeting up, unlike mustached and otherwise seniors. Then there was the waiting period, like a nervous expectant father when his wife goes into labor, or the more relatable scenario of waiting for your classmate to email you the individual project in the nerve-wracking few minutes before the submission deadline. Checking my email had become way more draining than checking my board exam results online just the previous year. My roommate was disbarred from using our land line to order a late night pizza, but much like in Antonioni's films, nothing happened.

Three days had passed. I was beginning to seriously consider gifting a razor to one of the girls in my class for her upper lip as a backup option when it arrived. Naked, unflinching, and composed in the harsh Plain Text format was Her email. It started off ominously - she said she absolutely ADORED the card. Damn, now I would have to buy Sam lunch, which was just Skittles and Coke really. Focus on the email, Clint (that's what my imaginary friend likes to call me sometimes, as in Eastwood). Experience had taught me to search for that dastardly conjunction in such mails - but. We are very impressed with your application BUT we have already filled our first year seats here at Berkley. Focus, focus! Wait what! You have got to be kiddin' me. Serves me right for listening to that technophile Sam. Incidentally, the email had been too big for our university mail server. So, the server had conveniently broken it down into 13, yes 13, attachments and sent it to Her, and then sent her the original mail anyway. Needless to say, She wasn't very happy with the spam. After than, I got student government orders to never email Her again, not even G rated Sardar jokes in plain text format.


I learned my lesson and stopped hanging out with Sam. The letter V, in my life, has now come to stand for Vendetta against all cherubic little humans holding anatomically misshaped organs. Also, I am very proud of the fact that since then, I have stopped using technology of any kind to show my love for the fairer sex and have thus gotten rejected only in person each year on February 14, sometimes even by different people on the same day.

25 comments:

Puranjoy said...

Ah, those email servers of yore!
And venture out on V-day, you are brave my friend. I, being the coward that I am, will most probably sneak to a friends place who is planning a singles party :| , which means alcohol. Ah, good times.

rohmen said...

I have a "Red and Black" day in college tomorrow. I have a thing for (more) mature girls/women too. Lets hope i can strike it with one of them seniors.

ArSENik said...

@Puranjoy: Sneaking into a friend's place also counts as venturing out, basically anything besides ice cream and reality TV in bed.

@Rohmen: Good luck. Whatever you do, DON'T use technology!

Badla Sherni Ka said...

Is this a true story?

BSK (Badla Sherni Ka)

ArSENik said...

Yeah dude. I thought you would know about this.

Anonymous said...

Was she at Tech?

as you can imagine, Bakvas detective agency did not deal with issues involving females

Badla Sherni Ka

Anonymous said...

chudail ki chudiya -- are u referring to the oldest pandava?

- Tere Salwar Mein Mera Talwar

ArSENik said...

Yes, you got it! Oldest Pandav indeed.

Anonymous said...

Badla Sherni Ka and Tera Salwar mein Mera Talwar are different entities. They merit individual responses.

Badla Sherni Ka

-By not replying to BSK, you will have to deal with Sherni's wrath.

ad libber said...

Spent another Valentines Day pining for the class hottie.
What's the point, I ask you, what's the point?

And your comments section is fascinating.

Same luck this Vday too?

ArSENik said...

@Ad Libber: *Puts on Oprah Winfrey mask. The point, my dear, is to feel it. Doesn't matter whether it is the class hottie or some dead celebrity.

You can thank the Director of BakVas Detective (or should I say, Law) Agency for making the comments section colorful with his penchant for cryptic clues and sleazy sexual innuendos.

This Vday has been strangely anticlimactic compared to the past few months when women with varying senses of fashion and from varying social backgrounds have been drooling over me. I just explain it to myself by assuming they have commitment phobia - that epidemic of our times.

Anonymous said...

plz check the ip addresses

Badla Sherni Ka does not post sleazy messages.

In order to exculpate myself from this case, I hereby plead that Tera Salwar mein mera talwar is located in Boston, MA.

Anonymous said...

aae major to sara din bhonkta hi jayega jaan katega bhi

hum haathi nahi, hum paanjaab hai!

- Tere Salwar Mein Mera Talwar

ArSENik said...

I don't really care if the comments are from Florida or Boston as long as they are entertaining, though the language did seem to suggest a certain Boston Bihari influence.

dreamy said...

illiterate male model.

HEHAWhawhawhaw.

anyway, weird laughter aside, This V day [although I wore black after reading Ad Libber's blog] I dint really feel like as if it was V day.

I mean instead of this continuous and weird mini-feed inside my heart which said "todayisvalentinesdayandiamstillsingle",

I just kept having this faint twittering inside my head after every 6 hours or so..which said..well..
"todayisvalentinesdayandiamstillsingle"

anyway.. do you think it has anything to do with the fact that I feel guilty that I am 20 years old and I dont quite act like one?

Smriti Jaitpal said...

Hmm I wonder who this was!

ArSENik said...

@Dreamy: Perplexing question. While I am no Dr. Phil, I will be happy to point out to you that your guilt is absolutely baseless, especially because, we guys are sick and tired of women who think they are mature and something intellectual like that. You see, men are a mentally immature lot, generally speaking and can thus relate better to women who are also immature, or at least think they are.

@Smriti: Look at Tere Salwar Mein Mera Talwar's comment. It's a huge clue if you knew her.

the girl with a zillion namesakes said...

illliterate male model :D

and this valentiens day was spent in college sorting out "issues" with professors....yes professors

i love my life...(i m not being sarcastic)

ArSENik said...

College profs seem to be the busiest on V day. Maybe I should change my occupation.

ad libber said...

That is pretty much true, a new prof joined on V day this year, probably some kind of a conspiracy by the Shiv Sena.

ArSENik said...

I see...
Reverse Psychology?

Smriti Jaitpal said...

I need to know...I still dont get the chudail whatever!

ArSENik said...

No no...nothing to do with Chudails. The clue is 'The eldest Pandav'.

sdives said...

Had some time, so I perused through your blogs and almost fell of my chair reading this one; do keep up the vibes..(shomeek)

ArSENik said...

Lol...thanks.

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