In Defense of the Vices

This post is dedicated to Amrish Puri, Prem Chopra and Jeevan, my favorite villains, or should I euphemistically say 'Actors in negative roles', as the industry is forced to put it these days with big names like that six fingered autistic boy or that blue lens wearing Miss India title loser delicate dahhling taking on such roles. Two out of this 'evil' trio had characteristically unique speaking styles and voices, and the other one has to date one of the most memorable lines uttered by a negative character, not to mention the whole aerodynamic bald look.

During the formative years, Mummy and Daddy (yeah yeah OK, Mom and Pop for those of you who were sophisticated li'l brats, or decidedly OD-ed on DDLJ, or both) told you to be a good boy/girl and have more than 50% of these values. At school, all your teachers - from the main ones like your class teacher and math teacher to the fringe ones like the PT sirs and art teachers tried to tell you the same, with promises of social acceptance and similar such humbug that seem like the elixir of life during that pimpled phase of life.

But, let's forget these virtues that are instilled in us like good toilet habits in an urban pet for a minute, and think about whether the vices are really something to stay away from. Leading the pack is Vanity. Apart from being the name of an immensely popular pink woman's magazine, it very innocently refers to just being honest to yourself about how good you actually are. It does things to your confidence that the Wonderbra has been doing to women's chests for decades.

Then there is what the purists call Avarice. C'mon now, we all know that's just a synonym for ambition. If ambition is bad, then Columbus would have died selling pita bread to some olive oil haired gangsters and Gandhi's kids would have been confused people with South African accents. They say Lust is a bad thing. Well, if it was such a horrendous thing, Darwin would have been rushed off to the Ranchi penitentiary in hushed tones and more importantly, we wouldn't even be here - me writing this sacrilegious post, and you reading it. If Genghis Khan, known to systematically and strategically rape and thus expand his empire, had been brought up in a convent that denounced Lust, do you think your child would have toys to play with (notwithstanding the lead), or you would have Gap or Banana Republic clothing to wear?

All those saffron clad gurus who tell you that Wrath is a bad thing and that you should keep it within wraps just like your Mom hides the torn tablecloth when guests visit, have obviously not seen any Amitabh Bachchan movies from the 70's. Nor have they heard of a certain individual called Mamata Bannerjee who, to her credit, can bring the whole of Calcutta to a stop, by just lying on some tar that is as dirty as the policies she is protesting. A source close to her claims that she was voted as most likely to appear on Closeup Antakshari in high school, but alas Fate threw her into Parliament, retaining the same musical mood of course.

If you consider Gluttony a sin, I suggest you try and sell that one to all the homely Indian wives who fast for the well being of their Parmeshwars and then as if to compensate for their supreme sacrifice, gorge on poisonous little goodies dipped in finger smudging ghee thus challenging even the lardy rules of definition of obesity in the US, and to all the pious Muslims who go through a month without gulping down their saliva, or any work assigned to them during the day, and then cause a sharp decrease in the goat population of their neighborhood with their nocturnal escapades in the kitchen.

Envy is the mother of Avarice, and if generations of Indian cinema right from Nirupa Roy through Reema Lagoo to present day Suhasini Mule has taught you anything it is that if the son is so appealing, can Ma ever be repelling? Envy may have only become popular when a white man shaved his head and wore fake horns to tell you that your neighbor fancies your new TV more than your spouse, but she has been nurturing Avarice in her generous bosom ever since Eve wanted to get kinky with Adam and introduced fruits into their bedroom.

My favorite vice by far (yes it's sad that its beats Lust by quite a bit) as previous posts have indicated, is Sloth. To me, it's just criminal to judge someone just because he/she wants to relax a little in life. So what if the building is on fire. A little warmth under those sheets didn't hurt anyone. Besides, if we ran out every time a building was on fire, what would happen to those poor firefighters, waiting in the sidelines to show off their muscular builds to scores of screaming female fans, like some pyromaniac wrestler.

I would like to conclude by saying that a vice is not a bad thing at all. In fact, it is even better than the real deal. Almost any non-dyslexic soul is aware of the greatness of the American President who currently holds office. However, not too many people give due credit to his vice-president, forever lurking in the shadows with his cloak and dagger, who more than embodies each of the above mentioned vices (OK, maybe not Lust). QED.