White noise is a random signal (or process) with a flat power spectral density. In other words, the signal's power spectral density has equal power in any band, at any center frequency, having a given bandwidth. White noise is considered analogous to white light which contains all frequencies.

Who am I?

Neo-hippie cinephile. Follower of the great Jim Morrison who once said "If the doors of perception are cleansed, everything would appear to man as it truly is, infinite."

Thursday, March 06, 2008

AD

Having lived through painful years of Social Science, Biology and Organic Chemistry in school, I have a severe phobia for remembering lines (latest Hindi film song lyrics are always exceptions). Hence, acting is a huge no no, especially in theater productions, but I do enjoy the whole experience (especially, hanging out with equally crazy liberal folks) and like to be involved in less perilous authorities. And smaller theater groups like Naatak don't have assistant directors (AD's), especially for nautankis. So I signed up for the production team and went for the rehearsal one sunny Saturday, hoping to talk about such lifeless things as props and backdrops.

About twenty people running about chaotically. Apparently the pizza had just arrived and I would later learn the hard way that if you didn't run around chaotically and conquer slices, you would have to rehearse on a hungry stomach. The director and producer both drop their slices in perfect harmony as they see my entry and start singing Aerosmith's 'Dude looks like a Daku' in Acapella mode. The director then serenaded up to me, made an L and an inverted L with his index fingers and thumbs and said "Aathuthuthu kya thobda hai!" in Mehmood from Andaz Apna Apna style. "Assistant daku (AD) banega?" On learning my name, he expressed immense disappointment. We had communicated through email before and my unheard first name and obviously sexy last name had convinced him that I was a free spirited pseudo intellectual woman with horn-rimmed glasses and long flowing silky hair - the ones that would turn down a shampoo commercial simply because the shampoo industry was becoming too capitalistic in nature. Thus, disappointment as my disheveled stubbled self with droopy eyes (sharabi ankhen), with sleep clinging on to them, wafted in. Curiously, this is not the first time I have been expected to be a hot woman solely by the strength of my name.

I couldn't turn him down, especially after he told me I had been born to play a daku and that I did not have a single line but only had to repeat chorus lines in a couple of songs. "Shakal hi kuch aisi hai." There was another reason. Red was there pacing up and down with a heavy looking single barrel rifle resting smugly on his right shoulder. Of course he didn't want to break from character and refused to recognize me. But then I realized Red was on the other side of the Atlantic, trying to get over beer induced hangovers with fish and chips. Later, during a break, he came up to me and much like the protagonist of those Hindi movies that propel the concept of rebirth, he looked at my college (that's where I met Red) sweatshirt with a far away look of hazy recognition (or Joey's "smell the fart acting") and asked me if I had ever lived in Atlanta. Incidentally, he had lived there for almost a decade.

Much like this man, I am a method actor, yes, even for my really big role (I do have to stay on stage for most of the scenes). Since being cast, I have watched nothing but the performances of Viju Khote and MacMohan in Sholay as the gregarious Kalia and the introverted Sambha respectively - two very contrasting approaches to similar roles. The director wants my character to be "brute force" - a mean mofo, who doesn't bat much of an eyelid even when sultry nachanias nuzzle up close and deliver seamless thumkas. Little things like scratching the dhoti, forever pouting the lower lip a la V.D. Chauhan and generally scowling and giving mean looks (khunnas) at all times. So, if you bump into me at work (where I have made a lot of progress off late by staying in character) and find me a little meaner than usual, you know the reason, that is if you recognize me with my work in progress - a handlebar mustache, for the role of course. At the end of the day, anything for art, isn't it?

9 comments:

Mala said...

haa bhoga da! Howcome you are not taking inspiration from Shah Rukh's recent 'Bhaago'??? ;)

ArSENik said...

I haven't heard of "Bhaago". Of course you are jharoing all these new Bollywood fundas after your recent visit. In any case, if SRK's daku rendition is anything like his Don rendition, we might have to give the play an R rating.

ad libber said...

you actually have not seen Om Shanti Om? I am mildly jealous of your luck then.

But yes, Bhaago would be a much better impression than Kaalia, and definitely Samba. Samba had been too laid back. You need more of a go-getter an as assistant daku.

ad libber said...

*as an

ArSENik said...

Aah yes, the tube light is finally glowing. I remember Bhaago from OSO now. You see different dakus have different characters.

Let me give you a tour of the daku hierarchy. Currently we have four dakus. One is the handyman types who hooks the other dakus up with their request for guns, bullets, belts, whatever. Another is the pradhan, or chief assistant daku, who is more like a bodyguard for the Sardar. A third kind is the spying type - very cloak and dagger. And then there is me - brute mean force, total tube light.

Mala said...

ki byapaar? etoi depressed OSO-ta na dhorte pere je blogging-i chere dile...*snicker*....;)

ArSENik said...

Na na...ekdom time pachhina with work and theater and application. I call it Barfi's (cousin of Murphy) Law. Jokhon kaaj aashe shob direction theke aashe aar akshonge aashe.

dreamy said...

haha, right right..anything for art..

and handlebar mustaches are sexy :D

ArSENik said...

Lol...thanks...but fearing it might be too trendy, I just kept a full beard. Maybe I'll keep the handlebar mustache after the show is over. Should go well with my round red John Lennon glasses.

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