White noise is a random signal (or process) with a flat power spectral density. In other words, the signal's power spectral density has equal power in any band, at any center frequency, having a given bandwidth. White noise is considered analogous to white light which contains all frequencies.

Who am I?

Neo-hippie cinephile. Follower of the great Jim Morrison who once said "If the doors of perception are cleansed, everything would appear to man as it truly is, infinite."

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Spicy Spam Kabobs

I am considering a switch of careers. No, no, not becoming a full time filmmaker, well not just yet anyway, but I have realized that I am completely wasting my real "talent" in the Semiconductor industry. I am sure Captain would support my decision with extreme understanding, that is if he believes me. I don't know if any of you with Gmail accounts have noticed, but the Spam messages have gotten more colorful and varied than just repeated implorations to increase the size of your primary and secondary sexual organs (depending on your sex).

Yes, I'll go ahead and admit it. My life has changed. With an addiction that would make members of the ACA (American Caffeine Addiction) support group proud, I religiously check my email every morning, even before I perform my morning ablutions. Obviously, not the uninteresting section titled 'Inbox' where there are not too many mails anyway, but the stashed Spam section. I'll be man enough to admit it. It makes me feel wanted when for example, I see 69 emails in my Spam box as opposed to a measly 1 in my Inbox (from my mother usually). You wouldn't understand. Oh the insecurities a straight twenty-something man has to encounter in today's cosmos!

The messages are uplifting, ranging from political subjects like 'France Prez denied green card', to entertainment - 'Jack Nicholson dies from viagra abuse', to art - 'Italian painter uses only body fluids for new paintaing', to history - 'Reserach reveals Hitler was a cock-fighting junkie', to sport - 'Cricket becomes the first sport to build a temple for followers of its faith', to health - 'Cheetos can cause growth of extra nipple', to fashion 'Ponches now chic says Ralph Lauren', to travel 'Bermuda Traingle latest #1 getaway for honeymooning couples', to religion 'Pope converts to Paganism', to environment 'Al Gore opposes the use of latex condoms', to lifestyle 'Take her to the zoo for your first date', and finally to career 'Blogger becomes professional Spammer'. From time to time, you do get the usual boring 'See Angelia naked' messages. In fact, I have a conspirary theory that she bribes Google executives in order to receive some free advertisement. Why else would we not be tempted with nakes images of other stars? This favortism would smarten even the cheeks of the BCCI committee of the 90's.

If you notice the 'From' section in your Spam box, the names are increasingly changing. Eariler they would range just from Evan Smith to Rashawd Johnson. Gradually, these changed to something more hybrid - 'melting pot' and all that jazz - Ali Johnson or Chitralekha Robinson, and eventually, now if you look closely, you do find names like Pinky Walia. This, I believe is India's greatest achievement since independance. Who cares about Rakesh Sharma moonwalking with Russians, or eleven men in whites getting the better of some giants in a game of gilli danda, or even us testing some fireworks in Pokhran. In this age of subconscious solitude, there is nothing more gratifying than to reach every human's email box and bring a smile to them.


What's In A Name ? said...

Yes, thats something of a 'rousing' post. :P

ArSENik said...


ad libber said...

I have no spams. None at all. I have never felt more unwanted and unloved in my entire life. How come no one cares to inform about ponches and bermuda traingles?

ArSENik said...

I am sure you are a subscriber to one of those coming of age spamless email providers. Please join Gmail and feel the love.

ad libber said...

It is gmail and I have looked through all of my..umm...27 emails I seem to have managed to receive.
I have no online social life either apparently.

ArSENik said...

Online social life is for teenagers. I decided to quit at the very top - at the very ripe age of 19.5.

Anonymous said...

Hello arsenik,
I liked your recent post. I have an exception though. My name is Dha*****y Marathe and I would not be comfortable having my name associated with a spammer's identity in online community. It's a hazard having something untoward attached to your name in today's info world. I am sure you would agree to that. So is it possible for you to remove or atleast modify my name from your recent posting. I am sure it will not lessen the substance of your post by even a scintilla. Thanks a lot.

ArSENik said...

Hello DM,
Glad that you liked it. I am sorry regarding the name. It was obviously a huge coincidence. I have removed it from the post. Let's just hope there is no real Pinky Walia out there who reads this!